Alice in Zombieland – Gena Showalter

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Author: Gena Showalter

Rating: 2/5

Synopsis

She won’t rest until she’s sent every walking corpse back to its grave. Forever.Had anyone told Alice Bell that her entire life would change course between one heartbeat and the next, she would have laughed. From blissful to tragic, innocent to ruined? Please. But that’s all it took. One heartbeat. A blink, a breath, a second, and everything she knew and loved was gone.

Her father was right. The monsters are real.

To avenge her family, Ali must learn to fight the undead. To survive, she must learn to trust the baddest of the bad boys, Cole Holland. But Cole has secrets of his own, and if Ali isn’t careful, those secrets might just prove to be more dangerous than the zombies.

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. IN THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF RIVER SONG, “SPOILERS!”

Alice in Zombieland. One might think, oh hey, a gory retelling of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.

One might be completely wrong.

I was seriously let down by the misleading title. Aside from her name, which she later changed to Ali for dumb reasons (my sista died, I’ll change my christian name because I’m reminded of her everytime someone says my name). Not to be insensitive, but that was lame. If it were a nickname only her sister called her, yeah, sure.

But hey, now that we’re on the topic, call me Princess Ariel.

Anyway, where was I? Right. The comparisons to Alice in Wonderland.

She got a rabbit cloud that appeared in the sky when bad juju was about to go down. Chipper, right?

And ZOMBIES! Ha!

Zombie… ghosts. You heard me. Zombie. Ghosts.

Booooooooooooooooooooooooored already.

I appreciate trying to stay original, but gooooooolly. Maybe I missed it from bored skimming, but if no one can usually see these zombie ghosts unless they’re speeechul or witnessed a death, then why aren’t these zombie ghosts out snacking on everyone? No one would ever see it coming!

And imagine how many people have seen someone die. Shouldn’t all those guys be seeing ghostly undead, too?

And Cole. Jeez. He’s so DEMANDING. He demanded Ali’s phone number. Demanded. He’s so Gary Stu (male version of Mary Sue) that everyone is terrified of him and he is the King of the World, because everyone listens to every word he says. Bow before Cole, you peasants. He’s worse than Edward Cullen.

Oh! And the first time Ali and Cole lock eyes? Ali imagines them getting steam-eh! I am so tired of characters having this OMGINSTALOVE the first time they lock eyes. Are you telling me that if I just get Ryan Gosling to look into my eyes, he will fawn all over me? Hold that thought, let me go buy a plane ticket. I gotta get on-board this instalove train.

Anywayyyy, I mean, I see a cute guy, we lock eyes… and look away. That’s it. Look away. I am not going to start humping his leg. Be classy, ladies!

The way Cole was described, I got an image in my head I could never get out. Big, dark hair… burley..

If you guessed Senor Senior Junior, you are correct!

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All in all… no. If you’re hoping this one is a Alice in Wonderland retelling full of fun gory realistic zombies, pass this up, my friend. Just walk on by.

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2 Comments

  1. Haha oh my gosh. You are so sassy. I love the picture xD

    Reply

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